I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
