I could have mohawked her pubes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
