sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
