While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
