Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
