It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
