I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
