Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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