I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
