Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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