Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dicks are not precious.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
