is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
