The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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