Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
