Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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