I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
