My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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