I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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