Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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