If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
