with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
