so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
