she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
