Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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