I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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