i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
