you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
