It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
