hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
