life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
