So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
