I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
