My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
