i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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