The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
