I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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