apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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