I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
