I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
