He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
