I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Help. Why am I so naked?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
