just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
