New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
