do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
