omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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