so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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