Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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