So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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