Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
