I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
