True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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