i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
