I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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