True but thats because hes a fetus.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
