And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
