Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
