Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
