I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
