I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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