oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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