Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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