i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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