ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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