Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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