I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
