so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
