but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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