cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
