Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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