is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
