Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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